Health Rant

TMI warning - bodily functions discussed and whining ahead.

I went to the doctor today. I have a head cold and I'm out of atasol 30s. In addition, after I eat I often need to go to the bathroom. It was not my regular doctor and I hated discussing diarrhea with someone I didn't know. However these days I seem to be getting used to it. And now I'm discussing it with all of you.

So apparently it's not good. The head cold? I need to get a chest x-ray because he can't tell me it's not pneumonia. And I'm under strict orders to get to the hospital asap if I keep having diarrhea. And I have a bunch of blood tests to get done. He thinks I might be getting worse again and that I'll most likely need to go back to the hospital and be admitted, perhaps getting the drain set up around the pancreas so that they can remove the gallbladder. Which means possible infection.

This had been a good day. Well, except for the blue flame that'd shot out of my hairdryer before it died. My disability was approved, I got neat samples in the mail and we got our 100$ beer and pretzels cheque. And now... I'm so very frustrated and mad at my body and my health.


Bloody Heck.

I wish sometimes I could just relax. Just lean back and ask for help. Admit that I'm not so well. Might not seem like a big deal but the last time that I didn't do that I ended up in the hospital for a month.
I'm so relieved - my husband is taking tomorrow and friday off. I don't know why, but when I heard I felt a huge sense of relief. Sometimes I don't realize when I need to ask for help but the idea of getting the house ready for the party tomorrow was a little overwhelming. Things are going interestingly health wise and I don't have a lot of energy.
Now I just need to decide if I want to henna my hair today or leave it until next week.

Just the perfect day...

Yesterday was a wonderful day. This whole weekend was wonderful. We did normal things, more than normal things. Having the ability to be normal again was fantastic.
Yesterday we started with P. and D. getting haircuts. This was P.s first one and he was so very good while it was being done. Then, after we had celebration coffees (well, coffee, italian soda and apple juice from a coffee place), P. rode twice in a coin operated helicopter. He hadn't expected it to move which gave me a bad mommy moment when I laughed at his facial expression as he moved into the air. However, with his new hair cut making him look and act oh-so-mature and his love of anything 'crazy' he recovered and enjoyed it immensely.
The day continued amazingly with lunch at the UC, errands, the skateboard store and subs for supper. We're all realizing how important normal family days are after not having them for so very long. P. is such a wonderful little boy and in so many way makes our family a family.
I think I'm just getting sentimental - my babys first haircut and his third birthday in the same week will do that I think!

Words to live by...

As pronounced on a tv show tonight:
Anything can happen when you give a machine gun to a robot.
So true... so true.

Time spent sleeping is time well spent

I had two naps today. TWO. One was this morning for an hour and a half, one was this afternoon for two and a half hours. Both were wonderful. I think the extended sleep came from not getting a nap yesterday and being busy today.
Yes, it's Saturday, the day of goofing off and I was busy. P. and I made a special breakfast this morning ('Pillsbury' cresent rolls and scrambled eggs), then I napped, then we went out and did normal things. We exchanged some shirts, went looking around places we shouldn't, went to the drug store and then went to see what was happening at the airport (fighter jets!). D. and I remarked how normal it was. However, it all made me quite tired. So a nap happened after lunch. And now D. and I have made spaghetti and we're going to have a family supper.
I know, the point of a blog is not to bore. However, the realization of how long it has been since we did something normal makes it noteworthy to write about our boring, normal day. I got sick with severe pancreatitis at the end of January and was admitted into the hospital. I was released February 19th and came home tired and in lots of pain. I spent a lot of my time throwing up or sleeping until I finally returned to the hospital March 18th and was readmitted with malnutrition and more pancreas issues. I didn't get out again until April 13th. I'm a lot more myself this time - not as tired, not as sick - but I'm not totally there yet. But doing something normal - errands on a Saturday - make me happier than I can say. Sure I needed to nap for hours, but we still did it. And that's wonderful.
In our family, we have what we call 'hug sandwiches'. Each one of us plays a role - usually I'm the meat, D. is the bread and P. is the cheese. P. decides who is which sandwich element. The other day he turned to D. and said : Mama is the bread because she keeps us together. Comments like that make being home happier than I can imagine.

Things I can and cannot do

I recently spent a great deal of time in the hospital. No internet. I was in for pancreatitis and malnourishment and then found out I had a 'superbug' called MRSA that put me in isolation. I wrote a few things to get them out of my head. This is one of those things.

Things that are true

1. You are not the center of the universe. Sometimes it will take a little longer for the nurses to answer your call. They might be changing the dressings of someone who is covered in burns or wiping someone’s butt, but they are with someone else and will come when they can.
2. You can throw up nothing. Sometimes it’s green and called bile. Try not to do that very often. As an extension of that, it’s possible to have not eaten anything and spend the morning on the toilet with diarrhea and vomiting. Try not to do that very often either.
3. There are worse things than missing your son’s birthday because you’re in the hospital. There are worse things than missing your son’s first Easter egg hunt because you’re in the hospital. Keep repeating that to yourself when you’re having the party in the cafeteria and you feel like crap.
4. Running out of books and visitors at the same time makes a huge vacuum in time for what you can do. Plan well.
5. Just because you can fix your problem yourself doesn’t mean you’re allowed to. There are rules and liability laws in place and you have your own place within them. So, even though you know that you just need to press the green button to make your iv stop beeping and that it just started beeping because you bent your arm, you need to wait until the nurse shows up to press that button.
6. Buy insurances for the possibility that you might run out of sick leave. You never know.
7. My little pink gerbera blooms at night and wilts in the day. Sometimes, you need to have a different approach to life.
8. Somedays, kicking ass at a game of freecell is as good as it gets.

Things I cannot do (but sometimes try to do)

1. Get ice. Either I or my little green jug will kill you.
2. Press the little green button to make my iv stop beeping.
3. Get my medications myself when I need them.
4. Get through a day without crying.
5. Cry around the nurses.
6. Leave.

This here internet thing

So apparently the internet isn't going away. And, while I used to be quite versed in all the advances it boasted (transparent graphics!! Webcams!!), I seem to be behind the times. Photo and Video sharing, CSS, RSS, etc have all passed me by as I sat in my little bubble. Yes I am a dinosaur.
However, I've started checking out a few sites lately. In perusing a cupcake flickr page I ended up at a self portrait site. All people like myself that take pictures of themselves!! I admit to being the geeky one who has all kinds of pictures of herself on her camera - I don't like pictures of myself so I take them. It's self therapy or something like that. Honest.
And now I must tear myself away from youtube and videos of how they chose the lead in 'Miss Saigon' so I can sleep.
So much progress in such a short time! What's a girl to do?

A grown up start

For several years I have had a blog, well, journal at another site. I've grown with it, but I think I grew past it a little. I'm not sure what has happened, but I'm feeling the need to change online journal providers and make a new start. It feels a little like when I graduated from uni for the first time - looking forward to the new start but feeling a little out of place.
So here's what you need to know:

I'm 30.
I'm married to D.
I'm the Mama of P.
I'm a teacher.
I'm an avid reader.
I'm a feminist.
I'm just getting over an illness that robbed three months of my life.
I suspect that being grownup is much like how my life is, I just won't admit it.

Testing

Testing... ack