Raising a Boy

I am a girl.

My son is a boy.

There are two parts to that sentence. Both make things a little different.

My son was the first part. That says so much of it. He is my son. He was in my belly for nine months. He has my eyes. He has my cheeks. We laugh about things and have a special nickname (buhbuhbee, which means 'person that I love'). We like Mandarine and Mango Iced Green Tea. He sings and dances all the time. He's mine.

The second part is boy. He is a boy. I am not. No matter how alike we are, we are always going to be different. I don't see the appeal that his 'birdie' and 'big things' have for him. He will grow and develop in ways that I did not. Society will place different expectations upon him.

I would like to think, however, that my expectations of him are not different from those of a little girl. I want him to be polite. I want him to listen. I want him to be a good member of society. I'd want that of a girl. I want that of a guy. I'd hate to think that I required different things of him or treated him differently because he's a boy. I treat him like a Patrick. I treat him like a child of mine. I treat him like someone that I'd want to hang out with later in life. I don't let him get away with things because he's a boy and thus expected to do them louder, faster or with less attention. He's my child and he is expected to do them the way I taught them to him - or better.

I have so much more to say on this topic but I'm tired. Perhaps later. Until then, I have a child to remind to say please.

Book MeMe

This one via It's Not All Mary Poppins.

The below listed books are the top 106 books most often marked as being “unread” by LibraryThing users.

The instructions are simple:
Bold those you’ve read.
Italicize books you have started but couldn’t finish.
Add an asterisk* to those you have read more than once.
Underline those on your TBR list.

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi: A Novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice*
Jane Eyre*
A Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the Fates of Human Societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveller’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran
Memoirs of a Geisha*
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West*
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-Present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon*
Oryx and Crake
Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

Wow. It has been a while.

My name is Heavenlyginger and I do the best imitation of myself.

Things have been a bit crazy. I did get my gallbladder out, almost six weeks ago. My son may have whooping cough. I have facebook. I'm taking a cake decorating course. I'm quite tired.

The quest for the jeans continues. 'The Emperors Children' is a great book. My cousin bought the new Kalen Porter CD and has told the interweb about it.

NCIS premiered this week. The Office premieres tonight. These things make me happier than they should.

I'm tired.

Chick Lit, so to speak

My mom and I had a conversation the other day regarding "Chick Lit" and what it is. It seems that publishers are so happy to have a name for books featuring females that they put them all in that category. As long as the main character is a female and usually if the writer is a female then Chick lit it is. You might see 'Great Beach Read' also around it at this time of the year.
So this is not a new issue. People have been talking about it for ages - the classification of all female literature as 'Chick Lit'. Goes along with the 'Chick Flick' movie classifications. However, it amazes me all the different books that are placed in that category. I've read a lot of them or at least, at some point have read something from the author and I have to say: Danielle Steele and Jennifer Weiner are not the same.
See... almost every book features a quest. In some 'Chick Lit' books it seems as though the quest is love. The identity of the female is wrapped up in finding love. Employed in this quest are all kinds of characters who demean the main character along the way until finally they find love. They're beautiful, they're (allegedly) strong and they need to be loved. The end of the book has a romantic happy ending 99% of the time. In other 'Chick Lit' books, the character is on a quest as well - but it's for personal understanding. Personal acceptance and an understanding of where they fit in the world. The character is still often beautiful, perhaps not as conventionally, however, that's not always a positive. They may end up in a romantic relationship, but they have figured out who they are within it, not because of it. In the second category, the writing is often not as formulaic.
Why are these two lumped together - just because they have females in them? So very frustrating and something that shows that the world likes to place things in boxes and call it something. This summer, don't box up your reading. Read wide and varied and enjoy. don't read it because it's chick lit - but don't not read it because it's chick lit. You might find something good.

A conversation with my son

P: Mama I need you!!!
Me: Awwww {go over to hug him}
P: Sweet little Mama
Me: Awwwwww {cuddle closer}
P: Sweet little Mama... I need chocolate


A sweet talker and he's only just three. I worry for those in his future. Between his way with words and those big blue eyes, there will be many a heart broken. And much chocolate eaten.

A quiz for you!

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarkey) - what are they :
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school:
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

Soooo...

I have a little sister. And she just graduated from University. With Honours. Yes, they make them smart in my family. I have a little brother as well who moved away to Toronto three years ago. He also graduated from University. Yes, they make them full of debt in my family (and have given us wonderful parents who did so much for us and still do).
My sister had a phone interview on Thursday. Today she got the job and found out she's moving to Toronto Sunday. SUNDAY.
Fuck.
I'm going to miss my little sister. Of course, now I have NO reason not to visit Toronto. But damn. That was quick.
Mom and I joked that I would write letters to my siblings:

My version:

Dear J and A:
Do not come home. I get the house.
Ali.


Hers

Dear J and A:
Come home. I cannot care for our aging parents myself.
Ali.

I think if I did write a letter it would read

Dear J and A:
Please come home. I miss you.
love,
Ali

Perhaps I should get facebook now to keep up with them all.

Medical Notes

My cat is lying on the floor. At one point I had to check and make sure he was still breathing as he's lying so very still and quiet. He's been walking around looking like yoda, but without the flip flops and little robe. He apparently has bacteria in his ears - bad bacteria. So 114$ later we have that information and medicine. At least they weighed him for free.
And now I'm going to the doctor. There's a number of things I need to talk to her about, the least of which is the fact that I need to get thicker, healthier hair and need the ability to take naps all the time since I have the time to do that. There's nothing worse that knowing everyone else is at work, unable to take naps when they want and you're home, lying in bed unable to sleep.
Hopefully P. doesn't get the pinkeye that's at his daycare centre right now. Drops for the cat and the child? That I would not be able to handle!!

Ha!

Church Sign Smackdown!!

Randomness

Random thoughts:
1. It's been one year since my son breastfed. Funny that.

2. I'm really tired. But it's been a good couple days. D. was off so we've been hanging out, having dates and enjoying each others company. Nachos last night were very yummy and the Mint Chocolate Ice Capp from Timmys was part of a delicious breakfast. I'm so relaxed.

3. I'm really really really pleased with the finale of the office. Between 'Creeds Thoughts' and 'I'm Done' and of course the date (trying to be as vague as possible) it was fantastic. Bravo.

4. Our new car is beautiful. It's a lazer blue Malibu with a black interior.

5. Reading my ljfriends page I've been tagged for a post where I have to be interesting. We'll see how that goes.

6. Second hand book stores are wonderful places. I got six books for the price of one or two.

7. My surgery is going to be in July. D. got very pale when they were talking about the complications and has decided that if he ever needs surgery he will just sign the paper and tell them to let me know of the complications when he's not around. I've just told them to not have it the day of the White Stripes concert.

8. I always have interestingesque things to post about when I'm not in front of my computer. Obviously it doesn't stick around.

9. I'm not getting a facebook. Facebook? Is it a facebook or just facebook?

Because there wasn't enough happening in my life....

Yesterday I was driving my husband and two of his friends to pool. The transmission of our '99 Saturn Wagon jumped at one point and we realized that we would have to get it checked on and hoped that it wasn't that big of a deal. I parked at the pool place, left the car there as my father drove P. and I to their house for supper and came back to it to drive D. and his friends home.
We dropped off one friend who lives downtown. The car was acting up a little. However, as we drove away from his house, the car would not change gears. We were in first. Cars aren't supposed to be in first the whole time. Just in case you were wondering. So we pulled over and the friend that was still there (we'll call him J.) showed us how to check the transmission fluid. We had none. That's right. None. NONE. So, it being ten to ten we drove, in first all the way, to W@lM@rt. My drunk husband and his drunk friend J. went in to buy the fluid, laughing all the way. They came out, we tried to fill it and realized we didn't have a funnel. The dollar store was not open and as the two drunken boys ran back to the big W to have the door locked just as they showed up. So they made a funnel out of a thick flyer and we put the fluid in. All would be well. Or so you would think.
We drove and it all seemed well. But then it returned to not going out of first. We got to Js house and he, as you would think he would, went into his house. I tried to drive away but all of a sudden the car would only go in reverse. We tried a few times and kept going backwards. J came out and we decided to just park the car. As we reversed we noticed the huge fluid puddle where the car had been. J and D walked to the gas station to get some money and then we got a cab with a car seat to bring us home.
The car has been towed to the garage and we've been told that it's toast. So we have to buy a new car. Tomorrow. Arg. We have, but don't really have the money. Bah. I'm thrilled about the new car (even if it's a used one) but I wish we'd had time to save a little. However, it wouldn't be a week at our house if something didn't go wrong. At least this way we get a new car.

Back from the hospital.... again

Well, I'm out of the hospital again. I was admitted Saturday and was released late yesterday. I'm ok.
I was admitted because I just can't keep food in. I'm doing a little better with that but not great. They figured I could rest at home as well as I could in the hospital, so here I am, on the couch, watching 'Mythbusters' and playing freecell. They are still reluctant to set up 'the drain' so I have all the lovely pancreas fluid that I went in with. Because of this I still have a gallbladder and will for a while I suspect. I've told my school that I won't be back this year because I know I will need all that time to recover. Pancreatitis is a bitch.
My son had his third birthday the day before I went back into the hospital. While in the hospital, in a morose mood, these lyrics reminded me of my little P. So here goes:

Sometimes I get the feeling
That I won’t be on this planet
For very long
I really like it here
I’m quite attached to it
I hope I’m wrong

All I really wanna say
Is you’re the reason I wanna stay
I loved you before I met you
And I met you just in time
’cause there was nothing left

Happy Birthday P.

Health Rant

TMI warning - bodily functions discussed and whining ahead.

I went to the doctor today. I have a head cold and I'm out of atasol 30s. In addition, after I eat I often need to go to the bathroom. It was not my regular doctor and I hated discussing diarrhea with someone I didn't know. However these days I seem to be getting used to it. And now I'm discussing it with all of you.

So apparently it's not good. The head cold? I need to get a chest x-ray because he can't tell me it's not pneumonia. And I'm under strict orders to get to the hospital asap if I keep having diarrhea. And I have a bunch of blood tests to get done. He thinks I might be getting worse again and that I'll most likely need to go back to the hospital and be admitted, perhaps getting the drain set up around the pancreas so that they can remove the gallbladder. Which means possible infection.

This had been a good day. Well, except for the blue flame that'd shot out of my hairdryer before it died. My disability was approved, I got neat samples in the mail and we got our 100$ beer and pretzels cheque. And now... I'm so very frustrated and mad at my body and my health.


Bloody Heck.

I wish sometimes I could just relax. Just lean back and ask for help. Admit that I'm not so well. Might not seem like a big deal but the last time that I didn't do that I ended up in the hospital for a month.
I'm so relieved - my husband is taking tomorrow and friday off. I don't know why, but when I heard I felt a huge sense of relief. Sometimes I don't realize when I need to ask for help but the idea of getting the house ready for the party tomorrow was a little overwhelming. Things are going interestingly health wise and I don't have a lot of energy.
Now I just need to decide if I want to henna my hair today or leave it until next week.

Just the perfect day...

Yesterday was a wonderful day. This whole weekend was wonderful. We did normal things, more than normal things. Having the ability to be normal again was fantastic.
Yesterday we started with P. and D. getting haircuts. This was P.s first one and he was so very good while it was being done. Then, after we had celebration coffees (well, coffee, italian soda and apple juice from a coffee place), P. rode twice in a coin operated helicopter. He hadn't expected it to move which gave me a bad mommy moment when I laughed at his facial expression as he moved into the air. However, with his new hair cut making him look and act oh-so-mature and his love of anything 'crazy' he recovered and enjoyed it immensely.
The day continued amazingly with lunch at the UC, errands, the skateboard store and subs for supper. We're all realizing how important normal family days are after not having them for so very long. P. is such a wonderful little boy and in so many way makes our family a family.
I think I'm just getting sentimental - my babys first haircut and his third birthday in the same week will do that I think!

Words to live by...

As pronounced on a tv show tonight:
Anything can happen when you give a machine gun to a robot.
So true... so true.

Time spent sleeping is time well spent

I had two naps today. TWO. One was this morning for an hour and a half, one was this afternoon for two and a half hours. Both were wonderful. I think the extended sleep came from not getting a nap yesterday and being busy today.
Yes, it's Saturday, the day of goofing off and I was busy. P. and I made a special breakfast this morning ('Pillsbury' cresent rolls and scrambled eggs), then I napped, then we went out and did normal things. We exchanged some shirts, went looking around places we shouldn't, went to the drug store and then went to see what was happening at the airport (fighter jets!). D. and I remarked how normal it was. However, it all made me quite tired. So a nap happened after lunch. And now D. and I have made spaghetti and we're going to have a family supper.
I know, the point of a blog is not to bore. However, the realization of how long it has been since we did something normal makes it noteworthy to write about our boring, normal day. I got sick with severe pancreatitis at the end of January and was admitted into the hospital. I was released February 19th and came home tired and in lots of pain. I spent a lot of my time throwing up or sleeping until I finally returned to the hospital March 18th and was readmitted with malnutrition and more pancreas issues. I didn't get out again until April 13th. I'm a lot more myself this time - not as tired, not as sick - but I'm not totally there yet. But doing something normal - errands on a Saturday - make me happier than I can say. Sure I needed to nap for hours, but we still did it. And that's wonderful.
In our family, we have what we call 'hug sandwiches'. Each one of us plays a role - usually I'm the meat, D. is the bread and P. is the cheese. P. decides who is which sandwich element. The other day he turned to D. and said : Mama is the bread because she keeps us together. Comments like that make being home happier than I can imagine.

Things I can and cannot do

I recently spent a great deal of time in the hospital. No internet. I was in for pancreatitis and malnourishment and then found out I had a 'superbug' called MRSA that put me in isolation. I wrote a few things to get them out of my head. This is one of those things.

Things that are true

1. You are not the center of the universe. Sometimes it will take a little longer for the nurses to answer your call. They might be changing the dressings of someone who is covered in burns or wiping someone’s butt, but they are with someone else and will come when they can.
2. You can throw up nothing. Sometimes it’s green and called bile. Try not to do that very often. As an extension of that, it’s possible to have not eaten anything and spend the morning on the toilet with diarrhea and vomiting. Try not to do that very often either.
3. There are worse things than missing your son’s birthday because you’re in the hospital. There are worse things than missing your son’s first Easter egg hunt because you’re in the hospital. Keep repeating that to yourself when you’re having the party in the cafeteria and you feel like crap.
4. Running out of books and visitors at the same time makes a huge vacuum in time for what you can do. Plan well.
5. Just because you can fix your problem yourself doesn’t mean you’re allowed to. There are rules and liability laws in place and you have your own place within them. So, even though you know that you just need to press the green button to make your iv stop beeping and that it just started beeping because you bent your arm, you need to wait until the nurse shows up to press that button.
6. Buy insurances for the possibility that you might run out of sick leave. You never know.
7. My little pink gerbera blooms at night and wilts in the day. Sometimes, you need to have a different approach to life.
8. Somedays, kicking ass at a game of freecell is as good as it gets.

Things I cannot do (but sometimes try to do)

1. Get ice. Either I or my little green jug will kill you.
2. Press the little green button to make my iv stop beeping.
3. Get my medications myself when I need them.
4. Get through a day without crying.
5. Cry around the nurses.
6. Leave.

This here internet thing

So apparently the internet isn't going away. And, while I used to be quite versed in all the advances it boasted (transparent graphics!! Webcams!!), I seem to be behind the times. Photo and Video sharing, CSS, RSS, etc have all passed me by as I sat in my little bubble. Yes I am a dinosaur.
However, I've started checking out a few sites lately. In perusing a cupcake flickr page I ended up at a self portrait site. All people like myself that take pictures of themselves!! I admit to being the geeky one who has all kinds of pictures of herself on her camera - I don't like pictures of myself so I take them. It's self therapy or something like that. Honest.
And now I must tear myself away from youtube and videos of how they chose the lead in 'Miss Saigon' so I can sleep.
So much progress in such a short time! What's a girl to do?

A grown up start

For several years I have had a blog, well, journal at another site. I've grown with it, but I think I grew past it a little. I'm not sure what has happened, but I'm feeling the need to change online journal providers and make a new start. It feels a little like when I graduated from uni for the first time - looking forward to the new start but feeling a little out of place.
So here's what you need to know:

I'm 30.
I'm married to D.
I'm the Mama of P.
I'm a teacher.
I'm an avid reader.
I'm a feminist.
I'm just getting over an illness that robbed three months of my life.
I suspect that being grownup is much like how my life is, I just won't admit it.

Testing

Testing... ack